Dear anglophone friend......
Doug. I've been surfing the web searching for an identity, a job, money, something.
I've been wasting time at work doing so. something is torturing me. A thought that won't go away. the thought that i'm not going anywhere, that i'm not doing the right thing in any "field" of activity.
there are things I can't afford, that i'd like to afford, there are things i'd like to do that i'm not doing. there are places where I should be instead of the place I currently am. Not just physical places. Dimensions, states of mind, situations, environments, where I am not. I feel misplaced. mislead, misunderstood, mis-everything. It's hard to narrow down this complex of doubts and ideas and feelings to something with a shape a size a color. I mean I know that something is wrong but not exaclty what and why. I'm trying to untagle at least the main threads, those I can point my finger on.
I'm not happy with my job. let's just start with that.
I've found a few job openings, they're looking for an italian mother tongue, with extraordinary abilities, some sort of alien I'm not, that i'd like to be, that I might be. I need to feed this delusion. the person they want has to apply in english, of course. then the interviews would be in italian.
I have a well done cv in english for whatever job I'd like to apply to as an architect. Good for the garbage, 'cause I don't want to be an architect anymore.
In a different moment, or mood I'd approach the whole thing in a different way. So that I'd fantasize for a while then after an accurate screening of each factor on stake I'd go back to "planet cama: architect in paris, permanently day dreaming of a different life, temporarily committed to normal life". So here I am, asking for your help.
I'm sending you what I've started to write, with tears of rage in my eyes at every word or sign of punctuation, because in my native language i'd be able to say it so well and in english I can't.
what i want to say is basically: "look, HR person who's recruiting for this job, I'm an architect I know, if you look at it the wrong way you'd think I'm too old and too architecture career oriented to switch to another job, but think about it, i've done many other things, mostly as something secondary to architecture and I've found out i'm very good at it, there aren't things I've tried and failed, there are just things I haven't tried, YOU deserve ME, hence I deserve this job (or at least an interview)"
I've been wasting time at work doing so. something is torturing me. A thought that won't go away. the thought that i'm not going anywhere, that i'm not doing the right thing in any "field" of activity.
there are things I can't afford, that i'd like to afford, there are things i'd like to do that i'm not doing. there are places where I should be instead of the place I currently am. Not just physical places. Dimensions, states of mind, situations, environments, where I am not. I feel misplaced. mislead, misunderstood, mis-everything. It's hard to narrow down this complex of doubts and ideas and feelings to something with a shape a size a color. I mean I know that something is wrong but not exaclty what and why. I'm trying to untagle at least the main threads, those I can point my finger on.
I'm not happy with my job. let's just start with that.
I've found a few job openings, they're looking for an italian mother tongue, with extraordinary abilities, some sort of alien I'm not, that i'd like to be, that I might be. I need to feed this delusion. the person they want has to apply in english, of course. then the interviews would be in italian.
I have a well done cv in english for whatever job I'd like to apply to as an architect. Good for the garbage, 'cause I don't want to be an architect anymore.
In a different moment, or mood I'd approach the whole thing in a different way. So that I'd fantasize for a while then after an accurate screening of each factor on stake I'd go back to "planet cama: architect in paris, permanently day dreaming of a different life, temporarily committed to normal life". So here I am, asking for your help.
I'm sending you what I've started to write, with tears of rage in my eyes at every word or sign of punctuation, because in my native language i'd be able to say it so well and in english I can't.
what i want to say is basically: "look, HR person who's recruiting for this job, I'm an architect I know, if you look at it the wrong way you'd think I'm too old and too architecture career oriented to switch to another job, but think about it, i've done many other things, mostly as something secondary to architecture and I've found out i'm very good at it, there aren't things I've tried and failed, there are just things I haven't tried, YOU deserve ME, hence I deserve this job (or at least an interview)"
posted by mm at 7:38 AM
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