true fake palindrome. (or: " where does the truth end and the lie begins?")

Do you think I'll ever stop loving you? I won't mim, I simply can't. you are in all my bones, in every drop of blood I have, I love even the pain I feel whenever I think of you, 'cos you are that pain. 'cos you are the only one I've ever really loved. I had to get rid of you because it was unbearable. because we had no future. because we were going no where. because love is a burden, because it's too big a thing. I just cannot handle it anymore.
you are a scar that will never heal, you're an inner voice that says to me "you're a failure", you are fate that laughs at me, you're a trick, a knife that stabs me, the prettiest smile ever, the hardest time ever, you are my broken wings, a key I've lost forever, you're my youth, adam, you're the gap between possible and impossible, you are my empty hands.
If I could handle it, I'd call you even to just hear your voice on your voicemail message, if I had hope, if I had faith, I would kill to have you back, to hold you against myself forever.
But all I have is this life that's not going anywhere, goes to work very day, goes to sleep at night, in a foreign country, among strangers, that clings to material everyday things just to feel alive, this is what I have become mim: someone who has set the bar very low so that I can say "I can do it", I've stripped myself of my own dreams, of what I cared the most for and about, to avoid dismay, and deception, to avoid efforts I cannot make.